Letting the Little Girl GO
There was a picture I saw on facebook that had a little girl soaking wet as she played in water. She looks like she was either having the time of her life or she’s scared out of her mind. There are two captions on the same picture. But the caption of this picture has been stuck with me, literally, for 2 years or so ever since I saw it. “Remember her, she is still there...inside you..waiting for you to let her go!” If you look at this caption, it could seem as if it’s a little brash and jagged around the edges. On the other hand, I can understand what the person may have been saying when putting this together; yet, I’ll speak on my own take from it.
Growing up, I was always the observant, silly little girl who studied people to see what would make them laugh and cheer them up. I was the girl who always saw the problem and analyzed what needed to be done to perform the answer; yet, wanted to stay in the background. Too shy to want to be upfront. I kept my own feelings, thoughts and conclusions on paper 90% of the time and the other 10% escaped only when asked to give it. Even then I was always afraid that my truth of a matter may be too hard for anyone to accept.
The little girl within me has always wanted to stay in a place of comfort and acceptance--feeling protected and spoiled, to say the least. I wanted what I wanted and learned how to make sure I got it. As the 8-year-old Tracy talked to the 18-year-old Tracy, so many expectations were set. Come 19 years old, I let myself down so much that I imposed my own feelings of worthlessness and brokenness. When I looked in the mirror, I would see the 8-year-old Tracy being so disappointed at how far I had not come in these 10 or 11 years of grace that seemingly “ran out”. Another 10 or 11 years passed and so much in life had occurred. The 8-year-old only comes out now when she knows how to throw fits when things “are not going as planned” in life so shutting down and going into caves and pits of depression became as easy as taking the next breath. Getting out of them was the hard thing. It was the 8-year-old that put me there...the 18-year-old that kept me there and the 28-year-old that fought for dear life.
It was not until literally two (close to three) years ago that I started to understand what Paul was saying, “When I was a child...I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. But now that I am a man I put away childish things…”. It was not until I was in consistent prayer a couple of years ago that it was the 8-year-old Tracy that created a mental Egypt for me. I was able to identify with the children of Israel after they came out of Egypt they wanted to go back because they were “at least provided for”. The little 8-year-old girl in me had a stronghold within my mind and overall freedom to really enjoy life. I know I have some letting go to do but there is no way in the world we can talk about letting this person go and letting that situation go if we don’t first deal with our own self.
It can be hard and you will have to check yourself a lot just as I have done with truly letting that little girl or boy go within you. One of the things we have to do is first do as the picture said, “Remember her?...Remember him?....” the only way to move on from someone or something is take an honest look at what was done while they or it was in your life and see where it has left the condition of your heart. It takes a strong person to stay and fight but it takes a stronger person to let go...especially letting go of yourself and all that you know to always work.
A surgeon never starts a surgery without looking at the area of concern and planning out the procedure(s). The issues of the heart are real and has a place of origin. The journey is to get to the root, remove, replace it and learn how to walk in life without it.
Now THAT is a journey. Grant the wish of the little girl or the little boy within you of letting them go...both of you have been in bondage. It is beautifully summarized in 1 Cor 13:11 which states, “when I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things.”
Maturity Is Calling