Afraid to Heal
I hurt my back really bad this past November. I pulled a muscle so much so that my sciatic nerve got messed up on my right side. I have never hurt myself that deeply before. I literally hurt my own feelings. I was still able to walk, drive and move around independently but it was extremely slow.
My twin sister, Dana, hurt her back a few weeks earlier a little bit more severely than I and she couldn’t walk for 3 days. I basically had to teach her to walk again by turning on some Korey Mickie and smiling really big when she would squeeze my hands because of the pain. Yes, it hurt me but it was nothing compared to the pain that she was experiencing so I took it. She was ordered to go to physical therapy to take her further into her healing and recovery.
I was able to recover a little bit faster because my injury was not as severe – as I stated before. While Dana was going through her physical therapy she was giving me exercises to do as well so that we can make strides to get stronger together. We could feel how they were helping us.
About four or five weeks passed and both Dana and I were walking around much better. One day Dana saw me bend over to pick something up and she just sat there and noticed how I reached for the object of my focus. She asked me, “Why are you still bending over like that? You should not still be catering to the pain that you are not in anymore.” She continued to ask if I was scared to bend over because that’s how I hurt my back? I had to stop to think about it…and it dawned on me that I was! I got hurt so bad that I subconsciously conformed my way of bending over to reach for something out of fear that I would feel that type of pain again.
Dana said, “Do not be afraid to see if you are healed because you won’t know if you are unless you try again.”
You know I heard the Lord in that!
There are times when we have tried something and we got hurt and hurt really, really, really, really bad. That type of pain that is caused by reaching and giving someone and/or something our all and it failed us. It disappointed us. It hurt us. It made us want to sit down and never want to do it again because the investment of time to heal was almost too much for our hearts to handle.
BUT, NEVERTHELESS, we cannot be afraid to try again. As this is the commercialized month of love and relationships. I want to encourage anyone who is in the process of healing to keep going and don’t stop until you are able to see that you actually can and will love again. Not just love again but love deeply. If you have been healed I want to encourage you to not be afraid to give your love away without expectations! You are able to get healed from the deepest hurts in the presence of the Lord. There are times where you can get hurt so deeply no one will be able to tell you anything to help or sooth the pain. It’s in these moments where you truly find out the power of the Holy Spirit being your comforter, confident and heart surgeon.
Love and pain come together but don’t allow one or the other to keep you from true forgiveness for yourself and others and most of all growing! Being stretched to a breaking point is completely life-changing yet it will yield the greatest fruit when put in the perspective of “it happened to me but it’s not about me”. Having that mindset will give you the push that you need to remember that this pain is real but I can’t stay here because someone needs to know how I was healed from it.
I will leave you with the words of Paul from the 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking,
it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails.
You got this! You are about to receive and give more than you could ever imagine!!
But it’s only if you want it.
Don’t be afraid to see if you are healed…try again.
~Tracy J
