Where Have You Been?
Have you ever been walking throughout life with joy and gladness while singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true...then all of a sudden...BOOM! You get blindsided by an unexpected blow of life and it knocks every ounce of wind out of your lungs. It completely disorients you and it takes you a long time to get back to “yourself”. Then you take one step forward and then…..BOOM!! Yet another blow...again….you were not expecting it. No matter how much you try to prepare or “expect the unexpected” life can really hurt.
I would say that was what I experienced between February 20th until December 31st of 2018. I’ve always said that victory is not a bed but it’s a hug -- embrace it, feel it and let it go. That keeps me from getting too high on life only to be disappointed and called to caves of depression and fear of the next “good thing” to come my way. The balance of living in the moment and feeling everything yet I know that it does not stop there. No matter how great and beautiful or painful and dreadful the moment may be. It keeps me open yet humble that life can change in a blink of an eye.
As I said, things started to go into this whirlwind for me in February! I went for a standard eye exam, only for the doctor to dry out my cornea and burn my retina, something else happened and my nerves were inflamed. This caused me to be temporarily blind in left eye and eventually my right. About four and a half weeks my sight came back with much prayer (ya’ll...it was a lot of prayers) I had to reintroduce myself to light for the next 2 and a half months. NO-BODY ON THIS EARTH CAN TELL ME WHY MY EYESIGHT WAS MESSED UP...and no one could tell me how to manage the pain either. So I would sit there with painful and swollen eyes that caused my face to hurt beyond any ability to provide an explanation when people said, “How are you doing today”.
I was able to see about 90% back to my normal come April. My sister and I decided to go out of town for our birthday. Two days after our birthday we got a phone call that our mother was rushed to the hospital and we needed to return home as soon as possible. It was really hard trying to get home as there were no flights headed out until the next afternoon. We ruled out renting a car and driving through the night so we decided to pray and immediately got the peace that it will be hard but eventually it will be okay. I told Dana, we cannot cry and fall apart until we get home because we had to think straight. We went out to eat, went to bed and hopped on a plane and went directly to the hospital.
When we finally saw our mom, my sister cried but this strange feeling came over me that is hard to explain. I knew she was going to be okay. The next 6 or 7 days following that I had nothing but my faith to stand on no matter what the doctors stood in our faces and said (which was she may be brain dead and we may want to start thinking about funeral arrangements).
It was about 20 days later I would drive my mother home in my car, with no brain damage and full activity of her lambs (although she was a little weak).
Ever since these moments I feel like my faith and my love has been tested back to back to back. My spiritual father, Pastor John Rials, told me “if you say you love someone then it will be tested”. I’ve learned that in the midst of the testing of love you will continue to know and learn that love is not cute unicorns and rainbows, you will see how deep love goes in the trenches, how unpretty it really is. Yet, you will begin to see the benefits of love and how they are proven during hard times.
So although I haven’t been posting these past 6 or 7 months please know I am ready to share what I have and what am I learning.
The journey has been great...and I’m ready to share...